Best Bumper Stickers

• I poke badgers with spoons
• Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!
• I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!
• Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!
• So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
• Excess is never too much in moderation.
• Think globally, Act galactically.
• My wife says I should get up and go to work, but the voices in my head say I should stay home and clean my guns.
• Don't believe everything you think.
• Help your local Search & Rescue. Get lost!
• Life is short. So buy the shoes!
• Never believe generalizations.
• The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.
• I don't think, therefore I am not.
• Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I got stuck.
• Avoid alliterations always.
• Dyslexics are teople poo.
• Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.
• An Apple a day keeps Windows away.
• This bumper sticker intentionally left blank.
• What would Gandalf do?
• Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
• Double your drive space. Delete Windows.
• Does anal retentive have a hyphen?
• If it ain't broke, take it apart and fix it.
• Resistance is futile (if <>
• MOP AND GLO - The floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
• I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.
• Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
• Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
• The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
• The control key on the keyboard does not work.
• The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
• Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
• Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
• Nuke the Whales! We'll hunt them at night.
• Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).
• If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?
• Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.
• Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal.
• What wouldn't Jesus do?
• If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.
• People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
• Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
• The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.
• Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.
• So many cats, so few recipes.
• Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.
• Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
• Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.
• On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
• On your mark, get set, go away!
• What would Scooby do?
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
• I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
• I am not infantile, you stinky poopyhead.
• To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
• Liberal Arts major: will think for food.
• Visualize Whirled Peas
• If you can read this, I've lost the trailer!
• Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph.
• Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
• Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
• What we need is a patch for stupidity!
• Follow that car, Godzilla - and step on it!
• Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam.
• I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.
• If you can't read this, thank the teacher's union.
• Procrastinate now.
• The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.
• Rehab is for quitters.
• My dog can lick anyone!
• I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?
• Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and name streets after them.
• Do they ever shut up on your planet?
• All men are idiots, and I married their King.
• West Virginia: One million people, and 15 last names.
• I'm out Of Estrogen and I've got a gun!
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
• Who are these children, and why do they keep calling me Mom?
• The trouble with life is there's no background music.
• NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
• Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
• Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
• Gravity: It's not just a good idea. It's the law.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• You - Off my planet.
• If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
• I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
• Allow me to introduce my selves.
• Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
• I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
• I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
• Earth is full. Go home.
• Is it time for your medication or mine?
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• Getting on your feet means getting off your butt.
• I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
• If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
• First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, closed.
• In dog years, I'm dead!
• South Korea's got Seoul!
• Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
• The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
• God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
• IRS: Be Audit You Can Be
• My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
• Senior Citizen: Give me my damn discount!
• (Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, my wife fell off!
• I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
• Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
• I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
• Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
• A day without sunshine is like night.
• First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
• Old age comes at a bad time.
• If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?
• In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
• Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
• You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
• Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
• The more you complain the longer God makes you live.
• I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
• Out of my mind - back in five minutes.
• Without ME, it's just AWESO.
• As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
• Life would be easier if I had the source code.
• Hang up and drive.
• Nebraska: At least the cows are sane.
• God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
• I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
• Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
• I fish, therefore I lie.
• Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
• I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
• If catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.
• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
• Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
• Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
• I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
• Keep honking while I reload.
• Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
• EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
• If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
• Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
• My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or something like that).
• Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!
• Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
• Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping.
• What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?
• If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!
• Driver carries no cash. He's married.
• All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
• Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils — people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing.
• Watch out for the idiot behind me.
• I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol!
• So you're kid's no honor student. Society needs laborers.
• Honk if you hate peace and quiet.
• I have the body of a god. Buddha.
• In case of rapture, can I have your car?
• Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
• I doubt, therefore I might be.
• When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
• There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
• Don’t bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind.
• Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.
• Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.
• If it isn't broken, fix it until it is.
• Thank God I'm an atheist.
• Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.
• Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.
• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
• New Mexico: Cleaner than regular Mexico.
• If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
• If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.
• Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter
• I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it, call a cop!
• Vote Democrat — it's easier than working!
• Vote Republican — it's easier than thinking!
• Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
• Squirrels: Nature's speed bumps.
• Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.